...one day at a time.

I apologize that I've seemingly neglected my blog for the past month.  Truth is, I've been busy, especially on the weekends.  The weekend of the 10th I was in Vegas, the weekend of the 17th I was in West Jordan with Eron and Mom, and the weekend of the 24th I was in Cedar City.  I expect many of you want more details than that, but recall that this is the dating life of Bruce Kelly, so I'm going to quote a line from my favorite country band of all time, Blackhawk, "...and baby all bad things gotta come to an end."

Like Their Ain't No Yesterday

And that's all I'm going to say about that. :(

No, actually I'm going to be selfish here and describe what I've learned.  I'm a good listener, and a good communicator.  I'm good at being affectionate.  When I care enough about a relationship or friendship, if there’s a problem, I won't fall asleep at night until my mind and heart have devised a plan on how to approach a solution.  And I know how to give 110%.  Despite my track record, I'm a pretty terrific guy; I've just got to find a girl who is willing to trust that.

Sober

I've also learned I have a new challenge in dating.  The group Little Big Town, on their new album, 3rd song, has a chorus that states, "I love being in love..." and I know that's true about me.  I've been hungry for love, an equal, giving, sharing, and communicating love for a very long time.  So long that I'm now aware that dating may put me in a position of imbalance: am I in love with this girl, or in love with the idea of being in love with this girl?  Does that make sense?  One is honest and more centered on her and her needs; the other is selfish and unrealistic.  I don't think I'll need years of therapy and counseling to deal with this one, I just need to be aware as I step into my next relationship.  And it'll come.

I also know that one of the causes of my social anxiety is putting all my eggs in one basket.  This leaves me worrying too much about what she is thinking now, why hasn't she talked to me today, and defining our relationship too often.  This, of course, comes from too many women in my life not being up front and honest with me.  So maybe this sound selfish of me, too, but I need options.  I need to know that if things fail with this girl, I have other possibilities.  I found my job, social life, and even family life all darkened because I was worrying too much about my relationship, worrying too much because part of my mind was beginning to believe that this relationship was my last chance, that I'd never find another like her.  That's too much pressure for me, and too much pressure for her.  It seems maybe a bit hypocritical, for I've been working my entire adult life to be a one-woman kind of guy.  But what my life needs right now is meeting many women, and letting friendship grow into something else.

Okay, that's enough talk about girls.  Family and friends...if you're married and having problems: fix it!  Talk to each other!  Listen to each other!  Give to each other!  Sacrifice your needs for the wants and needs of the other!  Trust me, in this world today, you don't want to be single.

On a positive note, I lost 10 pounds in the month of February!  I used a number of strategies to achieve this: 1. A small breakfast. 2. A light lunch. 3. A sensible dinner. 4. Exercise after school when the time was available: walking to start with, then a light jog, then a short run, and now a combination of them all. 5. Water, lots of water.  One of the coaches I work with encouraged me that at my weight, I should be drinking 3.5 gallons of water a day.  Ridiculous!  I've never made it, but on the days where I've come close, I think it has made a difference in flushing my system out.  God willing I can stick to this, continue to find success, and be down another 10 pounds by spring break in a month.

And all of this combines to a specific point: you've got to take life one day at a time.  Forgive yourself if you indulge today, or make a mistake today, or give in to your favorite sin.  Forgive yourself, and work a little harder tomorrow.  But also be aware, in your mind, of what your goals are, and know that your choices today, could push those goals a little further out of reach tomorrow.  Discipline may be the key to happiness in life.   Maybe.

Maybe.